


Friends?

by PoemAboutCitylights



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Interviews, M/M, Some Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-08 02:12:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11636817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoemAboutCitylights/pseuds/PoemAboutCitylights
Summary: Nico misses Lewis and Lewis misses Nico but it is not as simple as that.Nothing ever is.





	Friends?

**Author's Note:**

> So I saw this TV interview with Nico today and I felt the need to write a fanfiction about it.  
> We'll just ignore the fact that it was in German and Lewis would not have been able to understand it.  
> Enjoy!

At first, it was just a joke.  
Or so Lewis told himself.  
On the other hand, he should have known that it wasn't, given that he had even asked one of his mechanics how to shut down the geoblocking that didn't allow him to watch the German tv channel at first.  
But now, 20 minutes later, he is sitting in his motorhome in front of a flat screen, the door is locked and he is waiting patiently for the guest of todays episode to show up.

And finally, it is time.  
Lewis' lips escape a breath he doesn't know he has been holding, when Nico eventually waves into the camera and flashes one of his smiles.  
He makes a few jokes before the actual interview starts and Lewis figures that the whole thing is called "27 questions and a surprise" which means that Nico will get a present after answering 27 questions.

  
At first, most of the questions are old news; why he decided to leave F1, if he has a favourite race, whether or not he would have continued if he had lost to Lewis last season.  
Sometimes, Lewis cannot wrap his head around the fact that it has been just a few month, barely a year, since Nico has left for it feels like decades.  
It feels as if he hasn't seen the German's helmet lying around for years, as if he hasn't secretly listened to Nico on the team radio in ages.

  
While Nico is sitting on the TV couch all relaxed, in his denim jacket and a tan, with his hair sun kissed and golden, Lewis is sitting on his own couch with his legs crossed, tension holding him upright.  
"Do you sometimes regret ending your career?", the interviewee asks and Nico immediately shakes his head and smiles.  
"No", he says, "never. It was the absolute right thing for me to do. You know, I love books with perfect endings and this was my personal happy ending."  
The female interviewer just smiles and nods, as if Nico leaving F1 hasn't been the biggest loss of this decade, as if it was something that had close to none impact.  
"It's five years ahead, where do you see yourself?"  
Nico laughs, innocently, happily and then shrugs his shoulders.  
"Honestly? I haven't thought about it yet. At the moment, I'm trying different things and we'll just see where the path will lead."

  
God, Lewis thinks, he looks so young.  
So much younger than he did when he was with Mercedes.  
With his bright smile and his bronze skin, his golden hair and the little weight he has put on that no one that hasn't spent his days with the German would even notice.  
It makes him look healthier, glowing, even.  
And suddenly, Lewis feels so so old, feels his sore muscles and his aching legs from the time he has worked out just a little too long.  
And he wonders whether it will always be like that; if he will grow older everyday due to the emotional and physical pressure resting on his shoulders while Nico will always be this young.

  
Right now, Nico is just five months younger but Lewis believes that it might be 5 years when they'd meet the next time.

"How is it, being a father?"  
Nico smiles again: "It is the best thing in the world. It is my first job!"  
"What are you the best at? As a dad, I mean?"  
Nico thinks for a moment and then laughs: "Oh, I don't know. There's nothing in particular, I'd say."  
A few unspectacular questions follow, such as what is Nico's favourite ice cream flavor.  
(Which Nico answers with vanilla [what leads to Lewis being flooded by the memory of Nico's scent, of his hair beneath his lips]).  
"What are your plans for the future? We heard you're studying in the US now?"  
"No, not yet. I'm just checking it out. But I'm interested in start ups, like our ice cream shop."  
"What do you usually watch on TV?"  
"It's Netflix, most of the time. Or documentaries! I love them!"  
"Do you miss Lewis Hamilton?"

The question comes out of the blue and Nico goes pale in a second, while Lewis almost chokes on his own breath.  
"I-..", Nico stutters, opens and closes his mouth and apparently can't find the right words.  
Lewis wants to turn off the TV, doesn't want to see Nico talking about him but his body won't follow his will, his muscles are frozen and he can't do anything but stare.  
The camera is back on the interviewer: "For those of you who somehow don't know: Lewis Hamilton was Nico Rosberg's biggest rival and teammate at Mercedes. So, Nico", now the camera is back to capturing the both of them, "do you sometimes miss Lewis - you have been best friends for years, after all - or are you happy that you could leave it all behind?"  
Lewis really doesn't want to hear it, doesn't want to witness Nico telling the world that it was the best decision of his life to leave Lewis behind but still, his body just won't listen.

  
"Lewis...", Nico says, quietly and oh-so-soft and Lewis bites the inside of his lips.  
"Lewis has been a part of my life almost as long as I can remember. And he will always be a part of my life."  
Those words are unexpected and Lewis's limps feel numb.  
"Y-yes, I miss Lewis. Of course I do. Lewis Hamilton isn't the kind of person that is unnoticed in a room", he cracks a small smile, "his absence isn't unnoticed, either."  
And there it is; the crack in Nico's perfect facade that Lewis has been searching for so desperately during the last few month.

  
This is why he has watched every goddamn interview with the German, praying that there would be at least one unexpected question that would take perfect Nico off his feet and make him show some of his true feelings.  
When he switches off the TV, he feels relieved and like shit at the same time, making his way to the first training in Hungary.

"Lewis!", the BBC reporter calls and the Brit feels the urge to just keep going, for his eyes are heavy and his body tired, but he knows that the fans back at home still haven't fully forgiven him for not showing up to the fan event in London.  
So he lets out a small sigh, pushes down his sunglasses to hide his tiredness and nods when he is asked if he has a few minutes.  
"How was the training for you today?"  
"Well, training is always just training, it's never perfect but I think that overall, we still did a great job today. The team work is great!"  
"How is working with Bottas? Do you think your relationship would change if he kept winning races?"  
Lewis chuckles at that and shakes his head: "He is a hard working guy and I have lots of respect for him. I will give my best, he will give his best. It is good for the team, at the moment."  
"Yeah, but you one has to admit that you might have a disadvantage concerning Vettel."  
"How?"  
"Some say that Raikkönen is not anywhere the level where Sebastian is, while Bottas and you are pretty much equal."  
Lewis rolls his eyes behind his sunglasses and is glad he remembered to put them on.  
"I will not comment on that. But it's good to have rivalry in a team, it forces everyone to be ahead of the game."  
"You might be right about that. Do you believe that the rivalry between Bottas and you might develop into what was between you and Nico?"  
Lewis holds his breath and feels his limps growing cold: "No one could ever be like Nico."  
"Sure, but what's about the rivalry? It is very different with your new teammate, isn't it?"  
"Of course."  
"Nico has just recently stated that he misses you. Can you comment on that?"  
Lewis' heart is beating fast in his chest and even though he knows that it is impossible, he is afraid that the BBC reporter might hear it.  
"Did he?", he asks, to get himself some more time to think of a suitable answer.  
"Yes, he said that your absence does not go unnoticed."  
"What should I say about that?", he asks, more to himself than to the interviewer and he just hopes that he will be able to escape this as soon as possible.  
But the public, apparently, has other plans: "What we're probably all asking ourselves is if you two could ever be friends again?"  
"No", the words are more of an instinct than anything else and surprise lights up in the interviewer's eyes.  
"Why?"  
"Nico knows that I do not seek a friendship with him."  
"Well, at least that's a statement...", the reporter says, still a little perplexed due to Lewis' harsh words.  
"We'll see you tomorrow, good luck and thank you!"  
Lewis nods and gives one of his TV smiles and then rushes to get inside the car that is waiting for him.

He rests his head against the window of the car while rain that hits the roof is creating a soft rhythm.  
He knows he should not have said that, not on national TV, not when everyone would just assume that he was back in the ego game.  
But what else was he supposed to say to that?  
He doesn't want a friendship with Nico. Did not want that for longer than he was ready to admit, if he was honest to himself.

But he still remembers it so clearly, that day in 2014 when he had finally decided to tell Nico after weeks of studying his best friend closely.  
He had never planned to ever tell Nico about his feelings, he had always thought he would keep the secret till the day he'd die.  
But at that day in March, when they were driving in a city that made it feel like midsummer, he decided that he would not be able to go on a single day without telling Nico that he could not think properly around the German, that his pulse was going wild whenever Nico would laugh at him.

  
At that day in 2014, Lewis found the courage to finally tell his best friend that he had fallen in love with him, undeniably, harder than he had ever fallen for anyone.  
He had noticed that Nico was lost in his thoughts lately, he caught Nico staring at him when he thought he wasn't looking.  
Nico would blush instantly when Lewis would call him out on that and sometimes, when they were sitting together in silence, Lewis felt that Nico wanted to tell him something but always backed out in the last second.  
So yes, he had thought that he would never tell Nico but there was this tiny part of him that started to believe that maybe, just maybe, Nico felt the same as he did.  
Maybe he was the reason why Nico could not focus properly in team meetings and Lewis was dying to find out.

So he had planned it all out; he had asked Nico to come over to his apartment in the evening, he had bought Nico's favourite food and he had even made sure to play the German's favourite music when he arrived.  
They ate in a tense silence for most of the time and Lewis heart beat faster when he spotted that Nico's ears had gone pink and that the German was opening and closing his mouth several times, obviously struggling to find the right words.  
Could it actually be true?  
Eventually, Lewis took a deep breath and all the courage he could gather: "Nico? There is something I have to tell you. Something that I wanted to tell you for a while now."  
Nico's gaze shot up and there was a blush spreading across his face: "I have to tell you something as well."  
Lewis felt his heartbeat increasing: "You can go first, if you want."  
Nico nodded and suddenly, there was excitement showing on his face.  
Lewis couldn't hold back a smile.  
"I...", Nico starts, "I will ask Vivian to marry me. And I wanted to ask you if you could help me plan the proposal? I know that we usually don't talk about feelings and stuff like that but I feel like I could really need your help with that? You don't have to, of course, but I love Vivian so much and..."

Lewis didn't hear anything else Nico was saying. Instead, he could hear his whole world crashing down, hear his heart shatter into pieces and the pain that was shooting through his body was almost unbearable.  
He should have seen this coming, really.  
He should have known that Nico would never fall in love with him if he had his beautiful girlfriend by his side.

  
"... and what was it that you wanted to tell me?"  
There was so much in Nico's eyes that Lewis knew would never be directed at him and it _killed_ him.  
"I... I wanted to tell you that you should marry Vivian. I have noticed that you were mentally absent during the last weeks and I suspected that it had to do with her."  
Nico nodded, as if he was glad that Lewis understood him so well.

The following weeks, all Lewis felt was pain.  
It was keeping him awake at night and distracted by day and the only thing he could really do about it was to work even harder.  
He got drunk the day Nico got married, so drunk that he was sick for days and when Nico came back with a ring on his finger, he started to work even harder and got lost in the pain.  
When he won the championship in 2014, he stopped talking to Nico and when he also won in 2015, Nico stopped talking to him.  
After that, it was not so much the pain but rather the emptiness in his chest that nothing could fill.

In 2017, with Nico having left F1 after his first title, Lewis feels empty still.  
He isn't sure when exactly Nico started to suspect that Lewis was in love with him but the Brit is sure that he did.  
He must have noticed the way Lewis looked at him.  
He is sure that the German knows that deep down, the reason why Lewis put up the rivalry between them is that he would have lost himself in the pain for real, otherwise.

Lewis groans.

 

**Author's Note:**

> this is iiiit...  
> I hope you enjoyed reading it (I was just in the mood for some heartbroken Lewis but I promise, it will all be fine in the end).
> 
> It would mean a lot if you'd leave kudos and maybe a comment to tell me what you think and if you want to read more of it.


End file.
